By Isake Tom
As I get older I realize there are two things that are essential for living a happy fulfilling life; discovering ones life purpose and cultivating great relationships. It seems, if I set out to do these things with the intent of making the world a better place, I’m pretty much guaranteed to win at life. Add to fact that as a woman, I naturally feel a desire to build and foster positive relationships with other women. Sisterhood is the fuel that feeds our spirit and can elevate us to the next level. However there are times in our lives when we need to re-evaluate the friendships that may not be helping us reach our greatest potential.
Here are 5 types of friends that may deserve a classic Rihanna side-eye:
Girl do you really think that’s going to be successful? Everybody’s doing it. Sigh… why do you give that man such a hard time? Do you really think you’re going to find anything better in this city? Negative Nancy, Doubtful Debbie, whatever you call her, you can count on her to fill your cup with doubt, negativity and fear. She always has a reason why your dreams aren’t attainable or worth pursuing. It’s one thing for Nancy or Debbie to constantly live in a state of self sabotage, however when that negativity starts spilling over into your life, it may be time to distance yourself. Countless studies have shown that a positive outlook, is just one of the keys to living a happy and successful life. Don’t let a Negative Nancy dim your light or take you off track to success.
THE QUIET ONE
The confusing thing about this “friend” is that she’s always there during tough times. Problems on the job? She’s the first one there to take you to lunch. Dealing with a bad breakup? She’s at your doorstep with a bottle of wine. However, when the storm clouds clear and success and favour begin to find you, your supportive friend is no where to be found. No phone calls, no offers for lunch, no social media likes. When you finally touch base with your fair-weather friend, it’s usually the same monologue “Ohhhh, you know I’ve been so busy, I think I may have heard about it”. Beware of friends who are only present in bad times. Truth is, they may not be equipped to handle your success. Deep-rooted insecurities or envy may make it difficult for them to truly rejoice with you. True friends are genuinely happy for you when you receive or achieve something you truly desire.
Even on your worst hair day or an absurd fashion choice, she makes you feel like you’re the most beautiful woman in the world. Fairly popular, she has a magnetic, charismatic personality that when paired with her beauty, has been the ultimate recipe for her success. This sounds like a great friend to have, however when you observe her in social settings you quickly learn that “special connection” you think only you two have, is the same connection she has with every person she meets. Charmers are not only masters at making people feel special, they thrive on people’s enthusiasm for them. If you see them giving someone they met 10 minutes ago the BFF treatment, they’re either phony at best and manipulative at worst. My mother always says in her Trinidadian accent “give it time, doh be too hurry”. It takes time to nurture a strong, solid and genuine friendship. One based on loyalty and honesty. The charmer will charm you to no valuable end. Sometimes going as far as to support you in your unwise decisions and ultimately using you to bolster their own social image. Be cautious, and more importantly, never take their flattery seriously.
THE STUCK IN THE PAST
Remember the time you made out with that ugly guy at the party? You were wilding! When’s the last time you heard from so and so? Are they still not talking to you? Girl she told you off good eh? Remember, Remember, Remember. That’s her favourite word. She sees you moving forward and stepping into your greatness and she’s intent on keeping you stuck in the past. She doesn’t draw your attention to fond memories. Instead, 9 times out of 10, she draws your attention to things you’d like to forget. If your weaknesses, mistakes, and transgressions seem to be your “friend’s” favorite topic, then reconsider having this person in your life. On the road to success, you’ll need friends that will help you see where you’re going, not where you’ve been.
If someone you call a “friend” can only spend time with you once a year, this may be an issue. If you get flaked more than a few times, dump em’ and keep looking. If you only hang out with them on their birthday or when they’re killing time RUN! To be rational and fair, sometimes flakiness is situational due in part to that thing called; LIFE. What you’ll need to discern with these folks is if they’re otherwise dependable. If they have a good heart and a genuine spirit , you’re just going to have to stay on top of them. It can be tiresome, but it can also be worth it…sometimes!
Remember, the relationships we have with others can make or break you. So choose wisely. I’d love to hear your experiences with these types of “friends” don’t be afraid to share! Love ~~Saki