Taking time out is confusing for most people in my life including me. In fact, I’m still pretty amazed that I made the decision about a year ago to take some time out for myself. A decision once made– I plunged myself into with no hesitation, no easing in. I removed everything I had on my plate except for the bare essentials like my job.
And it was a tough process.
The masculine energy in us wants to push forward and work all of the time. We force ourselves to be in perpetual harvest where we are producing, all of the time in a linear motion. I guess it’s
our western culture to constantly push forward and to keep pressing to reach goals without time to reflect or rest. However, with the wisdom of the Earth and our feminine energy we must allow
ourselves to surrender: to pause, rest and reflect while still being productive.
So you are probably asking yourself what’s next for me? To be honest, I’m not sure but I’m really excited about exploring my personal growth or diving deeper into my introspection, to
finally facing head on the big questions; questions that I think I may know the answers to but have been avoiding:
What am I here to do?
How do I want to live?
Who do I desire to help?
Where do I want to make a difference?
I am bravely walking into unknown territory and I am committed to loving myself through it.
It was only after years of suffering from fatigue, I decided to remove the unnecessary off my plate. Let me be clear, I am not resentful of how many projects or activities I had going on because let’s face it, they were there because I put it on my plate. But unless you have suffered from fatigue, unless you have experienced it, you would not understand. Allow me to paint a picture.
Imagine sleeping for 10 hours and getting up exhausted just as you were tired the night before or being in a constant brain fog – life is happening but you are too tired to actively participate.
There is no joy, no excitement, just days filled with too much caffeine and sugar trying to stay awake.
I did what I thought I’d never do and is perhaps considered sacrilege in our society, I removed everything off of my plate including involvement in my own non-profit. The guilt that came with
taking time out for myself was enormous. I have never in my life put my well being first.
This is a new adventure.
One which is scary and would certainly challenge core beliefs about my self-worth, how I should be in society and what it means to be productive. Along the way, I am sure I will lose people and
friends but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make. I am willing to risk it for a new me to emerge, I am willing to weed out the people who are only around me for what I do for them as opposed to those who care about me as a person.
Six months in, I’m contented with the decision and yes there is the occasional moment when I think that perhaps I’m throwing my life away or that I’m “falling behind” because of this rest
However, when people ask me now, “What’s the new project?” Or “What are you up to these days?”
I smile and I say self-love and introspection.